Infinite Nightmares

"Huh? What the hell? *I* have to grant *you* three wishes?" Zhang Wenda was sure he hadn’t misheard. This Lamp God wasn’t playing by the rules.

As Zhang Wenda stared dumbfounded at the reverse Lamp God before him, the being looked down at him condescendingly.

"Kid, don’t even think about shirking your responsibility. Since you were able to come here, you must have heard my stories. You know what happens to those who defy a Lamp God!"

As it spoke, its body began to swell as if being inflated, growing to a terrifying size.

"Holy shit, now I’m in trouble. I knew there was no such thing as a free lunch." A grim expression crossed Zhang Wenda’s face as he watched.

Just as Zhang Wenda was trying to figure out how to get out of this situation, the Lamp God began to make its wishes.

"First, for my first wish... since you’re just a kid, I’ll make it a simple one. Hand over all the money in your pockets. You two with him, hand over your money as well."

Seeing this, Auntie patted Zhang Wenda on the shoulder. "Those terms aren’t too harsh. Just hurry up and grant his wish."

"Give him money? Why should I?" Zhang Wenda had worked so hard for that little bit of cash; there was no way he was just going to hand it over, even if this guy clearly wasn’t someone to mess with.

Besides, if he really gave it all away, he wouldn’t have money to buy the candy tomorrow morning. He’d probably have no choice but to endure the rule’s punishment.

Compared to that inhuman torture, he would rather try to find another way.

"Lamp God, quick, look over there!" As Zhang Wenda pointed to the left with his right hand, the Lamp God instinctively turned its head to look, only to find nothing there.

When it turned its head back, it found that Zhang Wenda had spun around and was now running for his life with the other two!

There was no way it was going to let them go. It quickly picked up the tea mug it had emerged from and gave chase.

Running is definitely not as fast as floating. Before long, the Lamp God had cornered Zhang Wenda.

"Kid, since you ran into me, you *must* grant me three wishes! Otherwise, don’t blame me for what happens next!" As it spoke, the white cloud beneath it roiled rapidly, rumbling with faint thunder, making it look like a god descending from the heavens.

Zhang Wenda’s expression soured at the sight. ’I can’t believe my luck is this bad. To come all this way just to run into such a bizarre Lamp God.’

Just as Zhang Wenda was hesitating, wondering if he should just pay up to avoid disaster, Song Jianguo, who was standing to the side, spoke up angrily, "You’ve got that backward, don’t you? Aren’t *you* supposed to be granting *our* wishes?"

The Lamp God slowly took another sip of tea and said smugly, "You’re thinking of the foreign Aladdin’s Lamp God. ’Ala’ is a domestic Lamp God. Don’t get us mixed up, got it?"

"’Ala Lamp God? Aladdin’s Lamp God? Shanghai Lamp God?’" Zhang Wenda, who had just pulled out his flashlight, froze when he heard that. ’Wait a minute, why does that sound so familiar?’

He looked at the being hesitantly, thought for a moment, and then asked, "No, something feels off. I think... I think I’ve seen this meme online before."

The moment he said it, something clicked for Zhang Wenda. He stared at the Lamp God before him for a moment, and then his eyes lit up.

"That’s it! It’s an internet meme! And a stale one at that! It’s not just the name! This whole ’reverse Lamp God’ thing is a stale meme too! This guy isn’t a Lamp God at all! You’re trying to scam me!!"

’From the very beginning, I felt something was wrong,’ Zhang Wenda thought. ’If this guy was really so powerful, why was he wasting time talking so much? And why was his wish not for something grand, but just for money? Auntie and Song Jianguo might not have heard of it, but as a former heavy internet user, I definitely remember this kind of meme. This Lamp God is a fake!’

A flash of panic crossed the Lamp God’s eyes. It quickly adjusted its glasses and said, "Meme? What meme? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Hurry up and give me the money! If you make me angry, I’ll wish for you to grant me a hundred wishes!"

Its reaction only confirmed Zhang Wenda’s suspicions. He immediately whipped out his flashlight. "Fuck it, let’s see you try! You stick to people and won’t let go, and the first thing you do is ask for money. Who do you think you are, 360?!"

Seeing that its extortion scam had been exposed by Zhang Wenda, the Lamp God instantly shrank back into its tea mug. The lid snapped shut, and the mug that had summoned it began to roll rapidly through the ruins in an attempt to escape.

Realizing they were dealing with a real scammer, the three of them became furious. Song Jianguo was especially livid, her face flushing red with anger. She couldn’t believe she had actually fallen for the guy’s bullshit!

The Lamp God rolled quickly, but there were three of them. Zhang Wenda had Auntie and Song Jianguo give chase from behind while he circled around to head it off.

A few minutes later, with a flash from his Red Core, Zhang Wenda made a huge leap and landed right in front of the Lamp God, blocking its path. "Not even going to put up a fight? Looks like you’re pretty weak."

Just as Zhang Wenda was about to grab the tea mug’s handle, the Lamp God poked its head out and shouted toward the distant flame war, "Tofu pudding must be sweet! Eating savory tofu pudding is heresy!!"

Before Zhang Wenda could figure out what it was doing, the sky above him suddenly darkened. When he looked up, he saw a dense barrage of angry comments hurtling down at him.

Zhang Wenda quickly rolled, dodging a "Bullshit!". He followed up with a risky forward dive, narrowly scraping past a "Tofu pudding can only be savory!".

"Who is it?! Who dares to start a flame war here!"

"Let’s fight! You heretics! Savory tofu pudding is the best!"

"Bro! I got your back! Tofu pudding must be sweet!!"

Zhang Wenda twisted and dodged. With the help of his partially recovered Red Core, he finally managed to survive the Lamp God’s stale meme assault.

At that moment, Zhang Wenda was so furious he could grind his teeth. He shouted to Song Jianguo, who was helping to corner their target in the distance, "Block him! Don’t let him get away!"

After shouting, he circled around from the other side. Facing an attack from three people, the Lamp God naturally wouldn’t just wait to be captured. It continuously launched all sorts of stale meme attacks.

"Cilantro is the best! I love eating cilantro!"

"Ori—"

The city-wide flame war had now tilted, and thanks to the Lamp God’s instigation, its full force began to converge on their location.

For a moment, as far as the eye could see, the sky was filled with nothing but profanity.

Zhang Wenda slipped up and was nearly hit by a flying "Damn it!". He saw the Lamp God in the distance had shrunk back into its tea mug, using its small size to carefully dodge the barrage.

He wanted to give chase, but under the circumstances, it was hard enough just to protect himself. There was no way he could catch the little guy.

’Damn it, am I just going to let this scammer get away?’ As he watched it about to escape the downpour of insults, an idea suddenly struck Zhang Wenda in his desperation—a new skill he had just learned.

Then, he pointed a finger at the Lamp God and shouted at the top of his lungs, "Don’t let him get away! That guy’s an anti-fan! He’s slandering our Gēgē!!"