My Alleged Husband

I believe love is definitely not just a rumor. If I quietly move a little closer to you, I’ll be happy for a very, very long time.

"Actually, I have to admire you. Time and again, you seize my weak spots and launch your attacks on me, do you understand? Those weaknesses were wounds that had already scabbed over, yet you cruelly tear them open and sprinkle salt on them again. Do you know what that kind of pain feels like? I don’t think you’ll ever experience that kind of suffering in your life. All I ever wanted was a plain, ordinary life, but in the end, because of you, again and again, everything turned into nothing!

No matter how much I once hated you, no matter how deeply I once loved you, now I neither love you nor hate you, so I’ve already cut you out of my life completely. You don’t need to keep doing those foolish things that others see as a joke for my sake. You should live your life upright and open, the life that belongs to you. Your life could have been so beautiful; why let it become so shattered and ragged because of me?

Let go!"

Zhang Zhentian said nothing and strode away. He knew there was nothing he could do right now.

Clearly, he was watching the woman he loved most standing right in front of him, yet he was powerless. Clearly, all he had to do was reach out and he could grab her, pull her back into his arms, but his pride shackled him, his reason controlled him. He couldn’t do that. If he did, he would lose face completely. Again and again, because he refused to act that way, he let the best chances slip by. Someone who could have been happy lost her original smile because of him.

In that moment, he truly felt lost. Is it really possible to stay true to your original heart and see things through to the end? He had never forgotten what he truly wanted, yet in the end he still let profit blind his eyes, and he hurt the woman he loved most. He had thought that if time could turn back, he definitely wouldn’t have done something so impulsive and utterly irrational. If not for that one act back then, how could he have ended up like this now? How could his wife possibly refuse to come back to him, even if it killed her? Could all of this really have nothing to do with him? Every bit of it was the bitter fruit caused by his own misconduct. What right did he have now to blame anyone else? Everything became what it is today because of him. What right did he have to claim this was someone else’s fault, that he himself hadn’t been wrong at all? His heart was tangled and in agony. He watched his woman stand before him, yet he couldn’t hold her, couldn’t kiss her, could only watch her walk farther and farther away, watch her receding figure, while he was still powerless, unable to bring her back to his side. This was the kind of pain he never wanted to experience again for the rest of his life.

At the moment Xia Jing turned around, tears slid down her cheeks. How could her heart not ache? She was clearly looking at the man she loved most standing in front of her, yet that man she loved most was controlled by his reason. He refused, even if it killed him, to lower his head to her again. What could she possibly say? Was she supposed to throw herself at someone who kept giving her the cold shoulder? Was she supposed to cling to him? Of course she wouldn’t let something like that happen in her eyes. She could live without anything, but she had to have her self-respect. If she didn’t even have her last shred of dignity, what meaning would there be in her living in this world?

On the contrary, she already felt very content now. She had received the heartfelt confession she had dreamed of for so many years, she had obtained the freedom she had longed for yet never dared to hope for all these years. What else could she be dissatisfied with?

She knew that deep down, her heart was far from as calm as that. His ambition could manipulate everything, but she didn’t want his ambition to grasp everything. She wanted all of this to stop being so tumultuous. She wasn’t someone who wanted to live an utterly ordinary life for the rest of her days.

Both of their hearts were aching. They clearly knew what the outcome of doing this would be, what kind of ending they would face, yet in the end neither of them kept the other by their side. What mattered most in their hearts was still their own pride—and that made sense. Who in this world doesn’t care about their self-respect? If you don’t even have your dignity, what are you still doing alive? But when she thought of how, for this man, she had been willing to throw away all her pride, only to end up with a result like this, anyone would feel unwilling to accept it. Yet unwillingness doesn’t mean you can let your ambition control everything about you.

Xia Jing walked and muttered to herself at the same time: "You went to such lengths to get rid of me. I hope in the rest of your life you can be happy and carefree, that you can get everything you want. Otherwise, I went all out to fulfill you, went all out to ignore my own inner pain so you could achieve what you desire. You mustn’t let me down. You have to live happily, no matter when. Even if I’m no longer by your side, you must live happily. I believe that one day you’ll eventually reach the height you’re striving for. It’s just that by then, I might no longer be in this world."

Filial piety lives in the heart; again and again she told herself, don’t cry, don’t shed tears. If she could give him up for the sake of the man she loved most, what was wrong with that? If it was for the man she loved most to fulfill the ideals and goals he wanted, what was wrong with wandering to the ends of the earth herself?

If Zhang Zhentian had known what was in Xia Jing’s heart, he definitely wouldn’t have turned around and walked away like that. He had never truly understood what his wife wanted inside. He always thought his own ideas were right, but he never knew just how tangled and tormented the heart of the woman sleeping beside him had been. For him, she was willing to give up the feelings she had cherished for so long, to give up everything so that he could have the happiness and freedom he wanted. Yet in the end, he himself still didn’t understand what he truly wanted.

Zhang Zhentian said to himself: "Xia Jing, although to this day I still don’t know the real reason you left me so decisively, I hope you can understand that since you’ve chosen to leave me now, then please live a steady, peaceful life. The day I manage to find you will be the day we meet again. From that day on, I will bind you tightly to my side, never letting you have any way to leave my sight for the rest of your life. I’ll make you my bedside companion for life, and no other woman will ever take that place. I hope you can quietly wait for me, wait for me to find you, wait for me to bring you home, wait for our family to be reunited, wait for us to stay by my father’s and our son’s side, so they can share the joy of family together."

I have countless wishes, and I cross the sea of people just to see you once.