Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (WN)

- The first thing I felt when I woke up was the loneliness coming from the right hand in the sky.

He thinks so blurred with a poorly rounded head of sleeping blood, realizes that it is too selfish a sentiment as consciousness awakens, and his cheeks turn rapidly red with anger and shame.

Instead of waking up your body, you choose to be round in the bedroom, making sure to involve the towel kettle to make your body smaller. I lost sight of myself as early as possible that it was the beginning of the day to my shallowness, which I realized at the same time as I woke up.

"- Terrible, terrible, too bad. I... how selfish I am"

The girl who gets round in the bedroom - Emilia shrugged and spilled a long sigh into her ugliness.

I remember how it did feel right before I fell asleep in the palm of my futon, which opens and closes again and again.

I think every chance I get to hold hands that I have had more than once that my thick fingers, fingertips, are slightly stiff on my skin and seem completely different from my thin, weak fingers.

Until then, when he cares about Emilia, speaks kindly, and lets go of consciousness, the boy who sits beside his bedside and keeps holding his hand - the feel of Subaru's, its boneless and delicate palms.

I can't save myself anywhere because the unconscious and first thought of waking up is the loneliness of that Subaru palm feeling lost and my fingers cut off the sky.

Keep leaning on it so much. Note that your sexual roots are trying to make that boy carry the burden? Even though you are already so annoyed by your weakness and sin that you cannot take it back.

Already on the fourth day after visiting the "Sanctuary" - all over the first day, yesterday and yesterday, Emilia has thrown herself into the "Trials" in the cemetery behind the "Sanctuary".

For Emilia, who is winning the King's race and aspiring to the throne of the Kingdom of Lugnica, the power of this' sanctuary 'is in the first step in what must be gained.

Roswar, who governs the land, is Emilia's patron, and the inhabitants of the translation are those who close their positions with Emilia, the half-elf. What can we do ahead, where we have so many favourable conditions, that we cannot show ourselves and be recognized by them?

Emilia's position in the king's race is undeniably unfavourable compared to the other candidates. If the powerless Emilia is to survive, she needs all the help she can get around. And the trust to attach that cooperation must stand only in Emilia's own actions.

For Emilia, who correctly understands her position, what needs to be done and shown in the 'sanctuary' is clear. There is nothing to get lost in that regard.

It's just that shadowing her eyes facing forward...

"... 'Trial'"

The only and absolute condition for recognition by the inhabitants of the 'Sanctuary' is the breakthrough of the 'Trial'.

Inhabitants unable to get out of the surrounding forests surrounding the 'sanctuary' by the junction strewn out of the cemetery. In order to fight with them in the outside world, it is necessary to extinguish the juncture in the step of 'trials'. As a matter of emotion, they won't even try to acknowledge Emilia if it's not someone they can at least do that with.

Both physical and emotional problems are simple situations that can be attacked with a breakthrough in 'trials'. There is no more difficult reasoning or unnecessary argument to line up than the problem is being polarized.

The only problem was that the contents of that 'trial' were highly toxic to Emilia.

- The inorganic voice echoing in the cemetery had told me to face my past.

If you close your eyelids, you can clearly remember that white world.

As soon as possible, Emilia's body was trembling with an unstoppable chill, as she had been thrown naked out in the extreme cold.

Is the fear of running through your body because you remembered the cold that day, or because you still haven't forgotten the fear then?

Follow me, and what did Subaru think when he heard the stories of the past told from his mouth?

It's hard to forget, the past that still binds this body with chains of guilt - it was around noon yesterday that Emilia revealed that to Subaru.

The night before that I tried my first 'trial' and Emilia's heart was literally beaten. Crying in Svalbard's arms that woke him up, calling him out, disturbing him, finally regaining his composure in his voice, gently stroking his back, Emilia told everyone who was waiting for me outside the cemetery about the failure of the challenge.

Emilia doesn't remember what everyone who heard the words looked like.

I couldn't afford to check everyone's faces one by one. I don't care if you were exposed to contempt or discouragement. Immediately after just behaving in a temperament, rolling into a private house to which he had been addressed after breaking up with everyone and realizing that he had been left alone, Emilia was about to be swallowed by intolerable fear.

I couldn't stay locked up, and when I was jumping out of the building and trembling in the night breeze, I met Subaru again walking under the moonlight.

Then, to Subaru, who confesses his readiness to spare himself for Emilia, Emilia fled side by side with a determination that was nothing more than an ideal theory.

I don't realize how beaten Subaru was when I heard that, Emilia, who was equally cornered in her own words.

After that, Emilia doesn't remember how she went back to her temporary accommodation.

The next thing I woke up was Subaru's call with his face pale to Emilia, who was falling on the floor.

It was an inevitable flow to talk about Subaru, who had so much to worry about, and the 'trials' that were the cause of it - and hence Emilia's past.

There are no footprints, no lies, no pieces of past content I told Subaru.

Emilia's sins have just been shown off in different ways. Unforgettable, he revealed it by stripping the sore lid of his memory and exposing his wounds to the wind.

At the same time, it was to confess Emilia's too private and selfish motive to participate in the King's race for the throne.

I can't say I didn't have any fears or feelings to be afraid of.

Emilia has sacrificed too much as a result of a mistake where childhood is not comforting. And without paying the price, only one man is still marking the time.

The method chosen for redemption in the quote is what will be accomplished after more is involved.

I think it's natural to be frightened, despised, and made faraway.

On the other hand, I was sure Subaru would not abandon herself, even realizing that she had certain emotions somewhere in her mind.

Natsuki Subaru must not be able to push himself aside knowing that Emilia was now about to redeem it with a cruel past and a selfish wish.

Emilia has also seen the consequences of his actions for the various things that Subaru has so far scratched, moaned and defended on top of.

He is a gentle, courteous, and deeply affectionate boy. He keeps running, even if he gets all scratched up, without thinking about throwing them out with too much in his arms.

If you also have your own presence in that luggage, I'm sure no matter what ugly sexual roots Emilia had, he can't let go.

- It was meant to be cruel in a true sense, and it could be described as disgusting.

I didn't think of it that way, I shook my head and denied it, and it would be a lie when it came to the idea that not a single piece of it had gone past my head. And if you had yourself somewhere in your mind to expect that result, it's the same thing that all of the beings named Emilia affirmed.

I trust them with someone they must not hate, so I could uncover a past they might have hated.

Put it in words, that's all.

As a result, Subaru did nothing to blame Emilia for her own crimes, although she could not hide her surprise and upset in the revealed Emilia's past.

Mental fatigue crept into the confession, and the feeling that held Emilia's hand complaining of drowsiness was no different than before, when she was full of compassion.

To the extent that he was too busy, Subaru's thoughts worked as expected by Emilia's ugly part.

Usually, Subaru lowers his sharp temples to worry and offers a heartfelt guide to Emilia's body. His kindness was too sweet a poison for Emilia.

So much so that it may melt your heart, melt your readiness, and expose your ugly true intentions.

I wish I could entrust everything to take my place in the ordeal of diminishing my mind. If he ever uttered a childlike mourning that turned away from the unpleasant, I'm sure Subaru would squander anything about himself and do it for Emilia.

- That can't be forgiven.

Ever since we met, Emilia has been helped by Subaru.

In a stolen collection in the Wang capital, in a mansion threatened by a warcraft, in the midst of the hall of the king's election, stared at by the candidates, in the midst of the joint targeting of the village and the mansion by the inept.

Emilia has been in Subaru's hands for a long time. I used to wave that hand away because I couldn't watch him scratch, and I didn't deserve to be made that way or why.

Yet Natsuki Subaru never tried to let Emilia go.

On the contrary, he told Emilia that he didn't know why he would be saved.

"Because I like you, I want to help you."

In that way, there was no basis for anything in the whole body and there was never a single experience of being told of love.

The only people who showed favor with Emilia were the fellows in the Elf Forest who lived together at the beginning, and then only the pack of proxy for a long time.

At Roswar's invitation he went out of the woods, realizing once again the poor situation in which the half elf was placed, and taking a trip twice to the king's capital further deepened his understanding.

While I rode Roswar's proposal and fulfilled my purpose, I had such a pale hope that the trend of half-elf contempt that remained deeply rooted in this world - could not change this at all. It was just Emilia who didn't believe it or anything else somewhere in her mind, thinking it was such a hopeful thing.

So how big was it for Emilia that Subaru told me that that hiccup boy liked himself by flipping all about being a half elf and also a weak Emilia who couldn't do anything.

It wasn't the same race, it wasn't the existence that was stipulated to spend time with Emilia at birth, it wasn't anyone's intention, just the warm thoughts that sprouted by coincidences, deepening rapport, and exchanges of emotions - and how much Emilia was saved about that.

That's why Emilia can't rely on Subaru for this next time.

Every time he replaces his shoulders with the ordeal Emilia bumps into, there are more indelible scars on his body. Not just the flesh, but the wounds of the heart as well.

Emilia thinks Subaru is special, not someone with a strong mind or body.

He has a strong heart that pierces his will, and a kind heart that allows him to think of his surroundings, and he's still not a special person.

Sadly scratched, if you feel pain, you weep, if you bleed too much, you die.

No, he's a normal person.

To such an ordinary boy, Emilia is not going to let him carry any more ordeal.

Just next door, if it keeps supporting Emilia's back facing forward, I can't want any more. Even that is too selfish a wish, so much so that Emilia is ashamed of herself.

By getting him to support his readiness to be broken, Emilia is sure to overcome the obstacles without breaking.

Fighting the obstacles in front of you should be you.

"Because otherwise..."

If you keep relying on me, leave everything to me, lean back and push me, one day even Subaru will be burdened with himself.

It's horrible to even think about it, such as the day that he'll think of it that way.

It was something I've been trying not to want. It was something I gave up on not getting even if I wanted to. Try not to be unconscious, but it was what I've always wanted.

Because it has been obtained, because it has been given, because it has taken the hand offered - Emilia can no longer think about losing it or anything else.

――――

Emilia's sin dyed the forest white, trapping her companions and family under snow and ice.

Emilia herself fell into a long sleep in the ice and spent nearly a hundred years being saved by the pack without becoming aware of her sins.

My sin that makes me want to turn away. The most sinful thing is that Emilia herself doesn't remember any of the substantial parts of her work.

I remember nothing of what I thought and did it for, knowing that the process had fallen out and that my actions had pushed everyone to a white impasse.

The witch girl and I thought it was natural to be called that.

Puck woke me out of the ice and Emilia spent seven years in the Elior Great Forest. In the frozen woods, it was not easy to make or grow anything to eat, and the majority of the diet was bribed with a trip to the immediate villages of the woods.

I can't forget the frightened gaze directed there and the fact that I was called The Witch of the Ice Forest.

Witches and being so cursed suited me.

Pompous and spoke of the preparations necessary to overcome the 'trials', thinking that they were empty themselves. I couldn't imagine how I could defeat that 'past', Emilia. With the pursuit of Subaru in just a good word to hear, Emilia chose to remain stuck in her dream shell.

It wasn't until then that I fell asleep, confirming the feel of Subaru's palms.

- Even then, I still don't think I ever dreamed.

When he woke up, Subaru watched her sleep in the same position Emilia did when she fell asleep. Feeling a euphoric emotion creep up from the inside of his chest about it, Emilia stepped out to the 'sanctuary' at night as he pulled his hand - challenging the 'trials'.

The natural result, but I couldn't get past the 'trials'.

They drop me off in front of the cemetery, Subaru or Lamb. "Trials" should not be a one-size-fits-all, such as about Emilia, who stepped into the graveyard in the gaze of Garfiel and Ryuz, residents of the "Sanctuary," but did not have a clear opening measure or one of the bright conditions available.

The unchanged "past" stirred Emilia's heart, eroded and bounced back.

When consciousness returned on the cold, hard floor of the cemetery, Emilia realized her cheeks were wet. My shallowness was hateful, even to weep.

Not being able to overcome the 'trials' or grasp their threads, Emilia left the cemetery in a grim manner and was greeted by Subaru, who worried about her.

After that, just like the night before, I was told to sleep in this building, and I fell into my bedroom unconscious - and now I realize it's this morning.

"In the end, you haven't made any progress... no, I..."

If I ever found out about yesterday, it was just the unchanging fact that I was a sweet child with no help and sexual roots, a weak being who annoyed Subaru and everyone around me and still couldn't find a single light ahead.

"Pack......"

The pendant that goes down in the chest - the green glow that adorns its tip - is the reign of the pack, Emilia's contracting spirit.

When Emilia calls his name in a fine voice, she says in an unusual, long, idle voice, "What?" and it was promised that he would reply.

That reply has been interrupted for almost two weeks now.

During the beginning, I thought I went into something called dormancy, which I visit every few months. There have been a number of times before that I have been unable to get a response from the side of the pack, and each time Emilia waited for his return and awakening as she indulged in loneliness.

But the dormant period was usually just one that ended in three or four days, and it was the first long term like this one. Most importantly, even if previous packs were in dormancy, they would have responded by interrupting dormancy if Emilia genuinely called them in.

I can't even feel that reaction far from the pack right now.

What happened to him?

Isn't there something in dormancy that you can't take back and show up? Assuming it is, what should I do?

You spent a long time with the pack, and if you're left alone like this, I can't find any way to work on the pack from Emilia.

Neither the "trials," with Subaru, nor the settlement of his own past, nor the presence of a pack that doesn't show himself, the problems that lift don't give Emilia a peek at a single bright sign.

"... my, idiot"

With that way stuck, Emilia stayed on the brink of complaining that there was usually no presence beside her that would reach out to her.

If I do that, that's what depresses me to the point where I'm irrevocable. - Emilia, who is already looking at herself so low that there is no more, but I didn't want to think that it was even further down than the bottom.

"Yeah, no. Just think about the bad guys that way...... now they don't show their faces, but I'm sure there's a reason even for the pack. 'Trial', 'cause I haven't been able to solve anything yet. Because I have to hold on."

With his lifted hands slapping his white cheeks, Emilia becomes more conscious as she puts herself at ease.

After raising his face, he passes through the mess of hair touched with his hands. - I have myself to suffer from this, too. I usually left this task to the pack as well. Emilia has never taken the initiative to prepare herself.

Touch with your hands to make sure you're not disturbed. I don't look in the mirror. The mirror, which was indoors, was clothed early and left in the corner of the room to show nothing.

Teasing her hair tips with her fingers, Emilia decides she's ready to go under the bare minimum. Then he hands his hair with his fingers and binds it as he builds a room with silver hair.

Preparation for the three braids - Emilia's right to decide on her daily hairstyle lies in the pack, which is also an important one included in one of the terms of the contract exchanged with him. Already for two weeks, Emilia has not received a hairstyle designation from the pack, but she has continued the designation made the last morning he was there for the entire following two weeks.

Of course, other things, such as exercise or discussion with the slight spirits after bathing or bathing in the water, went on in detail, though far from being pleasant. Because if you don't keep protecting it, the connection to the pack that's gone invisible now seems to have disappeared, and it was horrible.

"- and"

Divide left and right in the middle of your head and make two or three braids is how you've done it so far. But today I made one long threesome and put it in the form of a flush on my back.

I hope to keep my contract with Pack properly today and continue that contract.

Aware that a definite connection is in you...

"... Huh?

Emilia lowered her voice as she tried to prepare herself for a change of clothes before Ram showed up drawing water into the barrel.

There is a pendant on the chest in front of the eyes of the purple blue eyes that open to surprise, and in the sight that looks down.

The pendant had a green crystal stone hanging on it, as I checked earlier, and that was also a sign that the pack did exist - on its surface, there was a crack in the lid.

"Uh... no, uh...? Hey... hey, what...?

Hands on a cracked crystal stone without warning, Emilia leaks an unspoken voice.

Shake your eyes to severe agitation and stroke the surface of the dreaded crystal with trembling fingertips. A crack spread from the tip of the touched finger, screaming tiny, jammed.

"Yes, no... no, I don't... wait... hey, Pac, wait..."

Hate and Emilia shakes her neck sideways, but the collapse of the crystal never stops.

To avoid irritation, he tries to maintain the status quo with full force in his hands with crystals, but an unstoppable tremor speeds up the collapse, and in Emilia's hands Iyo loses his form.

What happens when this collapse extends to the whole thing?

For the first time, Emilia turns bright white in her head in a situation she hadn't even assumed.

I just had something to figure out. It's

"As it were, the pack... Huh!

It means goodbye to Emilia as a family.

――――

Face up. Look around. No one. It's still early in the morning and I can't feel any signs of someone waking up outside either. Raise your voice, but I'm sure it won't reach anyone. Like rushing out and asking for help, Emilia can't move because that tremor is going to pull the end trigger.

Kill the voice, even stop breathing, and Emilia stares at the crystalline stone that loses its shape in her hands.

There's no way to open it. Even here, Emilia became more diligent in delaying her decision than in her efforts to ensure a definite end nearby.

And -,

"-"

The reward for failing to avoid was brought with the dry sound of the crystals smashing and scattering.

Above Emilia's palm, staring stunnedly, the green crystal has completely lost its shape. The crystals are scattered and the fragments lose their color, eliminating the circulation of vitality and glowing.

"You know, uh... pack, lie... right?

At the end of the day, as in hope, Emilia continues to call on her palms with a plundering voice.

But the jewel in my hand - lost its shape - is no longer just a grain of green powder. Instead of the Spirit, a situation where you just lose the power to keep trace amounts of mana and wait for green stone chips to be exposed to the wind.

From everyone's eyes, Emilia's hopes have already been cut off.

If it hasn't been cut off, Emilia is the only one who can't help accepting that reality.

"No, no... this shouldn't be happening... because Pac told me, when I first... or with my family... that I wouldn't be alone anymore..."

Emilia repeats her former promise like a rumor in a tone like that of a toddler, as she carries out a definitive bond that should have been made into words.

- To her plea like that, the crushed stone just returns with silence.

"... Sort of"

So, as I couldn't stand that silence, my eyes, who understood the unacceptable reality in front of me as still true, looked up to the ceiling and shook purple blue in tears.

"Pack's...... your father's, liar no!!

Drop your knees and throw crushed fragments at the wall.

There was a faint sound of the stone shards hitting the wooden wall, which seemed to imply an overly awkward farewell to Emilia and Pack.

Emilia covers her face with her palms and keeps leaking her whimpering voice.

Tears didn't pour out.

Only an empty sense of absence, however, dominated Emilia's chest heavily and thickly.